Why Can't I?

I opened my yahoo account and my inbox was filled with subjects stating something about the thing called "love". I searched through Almira's bookshelf and I ended up borrowing her book entitled, Mr. Write. I blurted out one of my dreams to Jonee and Almira without even realizing I really want such thing to happen.

I know a lot of girls and boys in school who had relationships even before I realized that "kids" are allowed to enter such relationships. I still regard it as, "Too EARLY."

But still, even if I have this "No no no to that!" notion, I still day dream at times and think of the time wherein someone would sweep me off my feet, whenever I'm hearing high heeled shoes or not.

Dreams. Hey, can't we all dream a little? It does not mean that if I am not that "girly" enough in terms of words, actions or in fashion, I can't think of such incident happening to me (though, I'm not expecting it to happen now or for the next years.)

Here's what Jonee has got to say,

I think every girl dreams of something like that to happen to them.

And I admit. I am one of those girls.

When the time comes, for that person to knock gently at my door, I would slowly let him inside my life and care for him as much as I have cared for the days (or even years) that I had been dreaming of being with him.

Yay. Why am I even saying such things.

I guess my horoscope from www.gurl.com had been true for today. It says,

You'd do best to spend some time looking at the
little things that make life so grand. That means
the birds, the bees, and the lovely rainbow arc
the lawn sprinklers make in the sun.

P.S. The "dream" I told Jonee and Almira awhileago, would be kept for the three of us. Since I don't have the courage to tell it to others, just yet. Hopefully. And I'm crossing my fingers for that.

Mrs. Me

PRODUCT OF FRATERNAL TWINS' UNMISTAKABLY INCREDIBLE MIND

Quoted by me:

"I guess in the end, you get to think about the beginning."

-Mr. Smith

Quoted by Danya:

"Happy endings are stories that aren't finished yet."

-Mrs. Smith

I remember how I hated watching movies inside the mall. Who wouldn't? The movies being played are not that "new" anymore in terms of the showing date. We are late for a month or two. And yet I couldn't put myself into thinking to totally avoid hearing the "Haaah!" and "Oooohs" of a jam packed audience with group of teenagers sharing a big popcorn bag. No matter how I loathe the un-timeliness of movies, I still look forward into entering a movie house with my friends and don't actually mind going out with popcorn cheese staining my "white dress".

Yesterday, after "cleaning" our classroom, we decided to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith at the mall's cinema house. We were forced to seat a few rows from the front row since there were lots of people watching.

It was, as far as I can remember, the first time in years since I've watched a movie of Brad Pitt. It was action packed with a comedy side and of course romance.

I went out of the movie house satisfied. Not because there were no popcorn cheese stains on my shirt (since we didn't buy popcorn). Not because I was with my friends. But because of the realization that hit me. Movies are new as long as it was being talked about here and there. Movies are new as long as I haven't watched it yet. Movies are new no matter how un-timely the movie house shows them. Movies are new as long as we enjoy watching them.

The Gratitude Theory

A few days ago, I was complaining because I wasn't able to buy the blue tote at the mall. And I was considering to buy a new cellphone, the latest model. For the last five or six years, I had eight different cellphones. For what reason? Simply because I want to have the latest model of cellphone. And I do so every year. Or sometimes, two times a year.

But I was enlightened by what I saw awhileago while heading to the mall. I saw a little girl about age six carrying, on her tiny waist, her little brother about one year of age. She was walking barefoot. Trying to find people who have the heart to give her a penny or so. Moving with sweat dripping from her little frame. She was moving, running, amidst the traffic, amidst the racing vehicles, amidst the people finding their way to get to work or to buy something "new" or plainly to have fun. And as for her, at a tender age, she's been carrying the weight of her little brother, carrying the weight of the "material" world.

I wonder what's she's thinking. I wonder if she worries about what will happen to her and her brother.

And then I wonder, why someone like me, even think about not having the thing I want. While in fact I already have more than what I need.

With that, I can definitely say that I am very blessed. Blessed enough to have good education. Blessed enough to eat three times a day (or more). Blessed enough to live life without worrying where would I get the money to buy my next meal.

Now I know how thankful I should be to Him, who has given me the gift of love and life.

Remaining Friends

What does friendship bring in a man's life? Does it mean anything to him or to the other person/people involved?

Months near the end of last year, I found myself asking, "Is my presence needed for them? Do I really have to be with them? Do I really "belong" to someone like them? Or am I just a nobody trying to be someone just to be with them?"

I even reached the point wherein I stopped talking and seeing them. I stopped having lunch with them. I avoided them during class breaks. I went home alone. Soon, I eventually went on my own.

I created a great barrier separating me from the people I have grown to be with. I created a wall separating me from the people whom I always considered as my "sisters-by-heart".

At first, I thought I was doing the right thing. I started to accept the fact that I am not someone like them. Or atleast not someone like them, which others expect me to be. I thought it was "okay". I thought nobody noticed anything at all. I thought nobody cares.

Then a few weeks later, people started noticing the "barrier" I made, the "wall" I built. Classmates started asking me questions like, "How come you're not with them anymore? Did something came up? Did you have a fight or something?" And all I could say was, "No. Nothing happened." Then I readily change the topic or most of the time, move away. Away from the people who did nothing but to ask what's wrong. Away from the people I barely know.

Then I started regretting what I did. I started "losing my defenses". I don't know why I did that "barrier" thing. Nothing else mattered anymore aside from the fact that instead of knowing who I really am, I started losing myself.

I started writing letters for my friends. But never had the courage to hand it to them. But luckily, a close classmate of mine saw the letter I made and handed it to them. The next thing I know, there they are excusing me from my Trigonometry class. When I went out, I saw them crying with the letter on their hands. I read the letter again, this time personally to them. And I started to cry too. You may think it's corny. Maybe it was. Maybe we are. May be I am. But I tell you, being corny can do you a lot of wonders. For instance, I regained our friendship.

And that's what of the few things that matters in this world.

FRIENSHIP QUOTES that means a lot to me:

" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."- Arabian Proverb
- In our friendship, there's no room for "kaplastikan". You have to be you. And not to be anybody else. Some people may not understand and accept who I really am. But my friends do.


"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."- Anais Nin
- My world wouldn't be complete without their laughter, words of wisdom and "kalokohan" at times.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
- I tend to be pessimistic at times. And when I do, I can always count on my friends and hear them say, "Kaya mo yan! Ikaw pa!"

Dear Cellphone

Dear Cellphone,

I really miss you. I'm sorry if I took you for granted.I'm sorry if I treated you bad. I'm sorry if I ignore you at times. I'm sorry for not taking good care of you.

Sorry for using you as a trophy. I'm sorry for bragging you to almost everyone in class, since the two of us got together.

Sorry talaga ha.

Pasensya ka na.

... kung minsan hindi kina nai cha charge
... kung minsan naiipit kita sa bulsa ko
... kung minsan nahuhulog kita sa kama ko
... kung minsan hindi kita nalalagyan ng load...

Grabe. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na tama pala ang kasabihang, nasa huli ang pagsisisi. Malay ko ba kasi.

Hayyyy.




Syempre galing sa iyong "owner",
.... AKO.....